Jan 23 2008
Shitty Trilogies
I can’t believe I paid money to see Pirates of the Caribbean III. I really didn’t want to, but Pirates II ended on a semi-cliffhanger, so I really had to. NO WAY they planned that when the original movie came out. The original worked much better as a stand alone movie. I’m not going to go into detail, because I know all five of you that read this are probably clammering to see it, but suffice it to say that the first Pirates of the Caribbean has forever been tarnished in my mind because of Disney’s decision to “trilogize.”
tril·o·gize
verb, -gized, -giz·ing. (haha)
–verb (used with object)
| 1. | to cause to change into a trilogy. |
–verb (used without object)
| 2. | to become converted into a trilogy. |
| 3. | to ruin a fictional universe for the sake of a few bucks. |
I know I shouldn’t care, because the first movie wasn’t really that good. And I know that this is probably the nerdiest blog post I could ever write without mentioning Final Fantasy, comic books, or Magic cards.
…It was just so bad. Not only was it epic length (~3 hours), but it had just about every epic/trilogy cliche possible in it. The most ridiculous part is when Keira Knightley, the chick from Bend it Like Beckham and newly crowned Pirate Queen, goes off on this Aragon/William Wallace-esque “there may come a day when the world of man comes to and end… but they’ll never take our FREEDOM!!!” kind of speech to get the troops all fired up before the final battle. PAINFUL.
You really can tell when a movie studio had no plans to make a trilogy until the original movie made bank. The first movie of the trilogy has a happy ending (Neo becomes “the One,” Luke blows up the Death Star), the second movie has a cliffhanger ending, and the third movie kills off a few of the big characters and ties things up in an unsatisfying way. There’s always a dropoff in revenue from first to second and another from second to third. That’s because the fans lose interest and the movies simultaneously get worse (Star Wars fans–Don’t kid yourself, Empire was garbage). Somebody who saw Empire didn’t return to see Jedi. Wanna know why? They didn’t give a shit. I probably wouldn’t have bothered seeing Matrix Revolutions if Phil’s grandmother hadn’t bought my ticket.
Any thoughts? I know I can’t be alone on this.
I agree - I saw Pirates II but I have no desire to see III…and now after your take, I’m definitely not going to pay money or go out of my way to see it.
And I haven’t actually ever seen Matrix Revolutions either. I was so disappointed by Reloaded that I just decided I didn’t want to make my respect for the first movie fall even farther by watching Revolutions.
As for Star Wars…I liked Empire and Return well enough, but the first one was still the best of the three. And Star Wars deserves extra criticism for not only trilogizing, but trilogizing AGAIN. Especially since Eps. 1,2, and 3 were so painfully bad compared to the originals. Ep 3 was really the only one I found palatable, and even then, if you take away the big-budget eye-candy special effects, it still doesn’t really hold a candle to the originals.
I remember hearing once that George Lucas had at one time thought to extend the series in both directions, out to Ep. 9. Thank goodness that doesn’t look likely anymore. Is there a suitable punishment for that sort of meta-trilogizing…trilogizing a trilogy?
I thought the first Pirates sucked and had no desire to see II & III. Back to the Future is another one that follows the pattern you’re talking about. I was going to make a joke about how it’s a good thing MJF didn’t develop the shakes between shooting II & III, but I think that’s probably a bit much.
It’s a little cliche to make fun of George Lucas. I mean, I hate the guy more than most people do for personal reasons, but if you want to hate on unwarranted movie sequels, let’s talk about The Land Before Time or Bring It On, that’s had 3 sequels now, plus a spiritual sequel about gymnastics.
At the very least, Pirates III was a REALLY pretty movie that looks great on the plasma TVs at Best Buy, and the score still sounds great.
Good call. In the original Back to the Future they also inserted “to be continued” at the end of the movie when it was released on video. As far as I know, Star Wars is the only other trilogy to insert stuff post-release to tie the movies together, and Lucas only did that when the movies were rereleased 20 years later.
All this being said, multiple sequels work in some instances. In principle, I have no problem with sequels to comic book movies where there’s a ton of material to work with (although all of the comic book adaptations I can think of have gone to shit by the third movie). I also have no problem when movies are planned as trilogies (i.e. Lord of the Rings).
Phil, I’m not sure I’d count direct-to-video sequels as true sequels. Then nearly every kids’ movie would have at least 2 or 3.
Then again, I suppose that’s food for some minor debate: Do direct-to-video releases count as sequels, or not?
Thoughts?
Lucas might be an easy target, but he’s basically the godfather of the entire trilogy format, which doesn’t fit the Land Before Time or Bring it On. If I felt like spending a little bit more time doing the post I might have researched other trilogies that fit the mold, but I really just wanted to rant a little bit.
And I don’t have HD, nor am I in Best Buy often enough to appreciate it. Pirates III sucked. I want my $5 back.
There are two types of Trilogies. True Trilogies (related, one storyline) and spin-off/episode trilogies. Comic book trilogies usually fall into the second category, for example.
I have to say I didnt like the second or third Pirate movies either. I do, however, think that Empire is the greatest Starwars movie of them all. It does not, as you said, leave you at a cliffhanger, at least not in the same mold that Pirates 2 did. It (empire) at least had a complete storyline in and of itself. Ep 4 is about the rebels saving the Princess and blowing up the death star. Ep 5 is about the Empire being pissed (striking back) and is (essentially) one long chase scene that ends with them getting away. Ep 6 is about killing the emperor and Luke and his father bringing balance to the force. But overall - the three movies are one progressive storyline. There was no amazing event at the end of Empire like 4 or 6, but Luke finding out Vader was his father is one of the top movie twists of all time. Ever.
Pirates 2 essentially starts a whole new background (unlike “true” trilogies) so I dont really consider the Pirates movies a trilogy. (same with back to the future, 2 and 3 are not related to 1).
The difference is, like Lord of the Rings, Starwars was always meant to be a trilogy. Lucas may not have had the cash as a first time director to assure that he would get three movies, but he always meant to.